Father’s Day Style Lesson

Fathers are many things, but “stylish” is typically not one of them. Dads tend to cherish function over form, comfort over good taste, now kindly get off his lawn.

Welcome to Father’s Day 2012, where it is our duty as sons and daughters to gently nudge his fashion sense out of the Cold War Era. The following is a good start; it is a list of the most common fashion problems our fathers endure, and a potential solution thereto.

The Problem: The dreaded floral patterned, Hawaii-inspired button-down shirt, worn strictly for his more outdoorsy summer “formal” occasions — like barbecues … or other, different barbecues. Our dads are wearing these and murdering everyone’s eyeballs for no good reason at all, other than he really has nothing else to wear. Unacceptable.

The Solution: The casual button-up shirt, with its clean and classic look and, as an ADDED bonus, a total lack of gaudy parrots sitting atop a neon-yellow hibiscus plant beneath an Oahu sunset! Thank us later, dad — because no more barbecues will get needlessly ruined. By your terrible shirt.

The Problem: His plain, tattered, colorless dress-shirts that require hours of manual labor and ironing and starching to make them look even semi-respectable, just like in olden-times —  when all people did was iron clothes and worry about polio.

The Solution: Hit up dad with a Lux Sateen dress shirt, which yes, is supremely better because of its colors … and SUPER-DOUBLE-SUPREMELY better because dad can just throw it in the dryer and have it pop out wrinkle-free, just like in modern times!

The Problem: A belt holster for his mobile phone.

No. Just…no.

The Solution: Throw the belt holster into the fire pit and never speak of it again, the end.

The Problem: Jean-shorts. Or “jorts,” if you will. From what I can gather, sometime in the mid-80’s, the jorts fad ran strong for three or four weeks — and then disappeared forever, end of story, right? WRONG. Because our dads LOVE jorts to this very day. He’ll pair them with some socks and river shoes and he is ready to go anywhere, much to his family’s horror.

The Solution: Some madras shorts. Not only are they classic-looking and versatile, but perhaps most importantly to us, they are NOT made of denim. And frankly, when it comes to our dads, isn’t that all that really matters? You bet it is.

Indeed, fathers are many things, and “a good sport” is usually one of them. We mock their outdated fashion sense because we love them, and in the end, that it’s only their clothes we’re wanting to change about them speaks volumes. Happy Father’s Day, dad.

Comments

Brian Michael Shea Totally disagree about the jorts thing. I wear em'! If made well, in a dark color(or a bright one), by a good brand(Levis will be my perennial favorite), they can be great. And where have you been? Jorts have been worn by stylish and hip folks for several years now. And I think its sad that 'stylish' usually means 'no color'.